All this time... but what, actually?

A song I found inspiring before I learned to cope with things we can’t just avoid.

“All This Time (Pick-Me-Up Song)” by Maria Mena

A song I found inspiring before I learned to cope with things we can’t just avoid.
Life made me good at workarounds.
I recorded this three times, or was it four.
To then fiddle around with Climpchamp, first file (1K resolution) was 180MB huge. Aw well… Not that fast to upload without a fibre. But you may guess how I hacked that into a shoe box. Resize and screen record again with a resolution that fits better to the good old times wherein most of my story unfolded, that’s where it’s at… 🤓

---

You self destructive,
Little girl.
Pick yourself up,
Don’t blame the world.
So you screwed up,
But you’re gonna be okay.

Well…
Who’s not screwed up at least a few things in their life?
I did, too, just a bit though:
Often, I made mountains
out of the molehills
inside my head,
even made stories of clothes pegs
dropped of my fingers,
while the earth went on turning
stubbornly
like it also did in the 80s,
when people
on both sides of the wall
wondered if food was still safe.

Those molehills, sometimes not my fault…
however, often, silence was my only answer...
the only answer I really knew of and was good at,
really good at… and I still am, somewhat… huh…
(how I like emojis acting as deputy)
which most of the times
wouldn’t land wrong
but that still sometimes did.

That made me carry a weight of doubt
into a new scene, where also
staying silent was my only answer...
Yet, it amounts to nothing in the end, so I had to learn...

Knocking on the right door only was a first step
of a long way…
I guess I lucked out
finally…

Now I can shoo wasps which might sting,
can find the mood to even sing,
can try to clear conflicts
I used to think of they were like the weather,
only for me without
a square centimetre of umbrella.

(…)
He really loves you,
You just don’t always love yourself.

... love oneself?
Self-compassion is needed, I read somewhere.
💡I was like, good idea actually,
but … wait a second ... how does that work?
It’s not a warm sunset,
but a little umbrella,
words of trust,
a remedy.
But even that, how?

Okay, love is about good and bad times,
not just about good times,
also about things we bother with daily...
things which went wrong in the past,
still haunting us now or then,
things we consider impossible
to ever change,
but sometimes they start improving
as soon as we learn to stop
harming ourselves
on top of that
and listen to
what we really need.

And all this time,
Ohh-oh, all this time,
You have had it in you,
You just sometimes need a push.
(…)

All this time, okay, but what, actually?
First, how to get rid of that part I
carried along as a weight
still sometimes can hardly bear…?
Well, I recognize most of it now
which is the first step
to get better.
See → self-compassion, up there.

Think all the mean girls,
That pulled your hair,
Are barefoot now,
And pregnant there,
And you write pop songs, (substack posts, aw well…)
And get to travel around the world. (don’t need to)

Think all the mean girls, if they’d only had pulled my hair…
(there were nice ones I’d get afraid of talking to because of them…)
they pulled at something inside, too...
no details, here.

So you’ve had some detours,
Some stupid men.
Now we know what not
To do again.
Besides you lucked out,
Finally.

Those detours of mine mostly didn’t go that far,
and mostly like songs to sing along
without ever getting to confuse a singer…
mostly ... with a few exceptions 😁

All this time,
Oh, all this time,
You’ve had it in you,
You just sometimes need a push.
(La la la la la)
(All this time)
(All this time)
(La la la la la)

---

One last word today:
I was almost thinking to keep it as a paid post, but then, nobody finds it, and that’s about as nice as reading music or recipes.
So what if, unexpectedly, this was just somewhere above 10% of what you’d call awesome, consider buying me a little coffee or at least a cookie. 🍪
Does this sound like a good idea? If so, here.