Sometimes, conflicts or other intense hours or even the good experiences we have can be too intense in some way, so that they ask a lot from people who feel as much as I do. Last week was such a week. A mixed one, to be honest, which was dragging up some parts of mine I was so eager to not discover again soon. Whatever it is, once you have work or feel urged to go on posting on social media or have to care for people calling you, (un)fortunately, life goes on and here is how.
It was a challenge to still show up on various places including social media this time, but I still did. (On Friday, I even sort of nailed a short LinkedIn comment about AI which, in my terms, went viral. Life sort of made me good at finding a needle in a haystack, if I don’t get overwhelmed after too many things going haywire. [Poor me, how could I say this in German, it doesn’t even rhyme😁])
AI did that … only almost, of course. I just got by and figured it out within the time limit I had set myself.
Last Wednesday morning, after like two hours of sleep or something, I needed all I had to quickly pick up the threads of my thoughts and connect them into something that almost looked as if it worked until it finally did.
As I was through thunder and rain, here’s how to take a shortcut. There were still clouds in my head, but the sun came out again after a little while.
Not any lecture without an agenda of course!
We’ll move on through areas where obstacles can “live” on such a day:
Brain, to-dos, mental work or input
Body and emotions
Environment: new place or conditions or other things that distract you.
Thinking a bit into it, it can’t be much more and not anything less, just like code coverage. If there is, though, just let me know in the comments!
»Calling brain home« while staying organized
Reduce input.
After a tough day, I avoid immediate people-pleasing challenges or phone calls if I can or ugly memes (sorry, fun posters out there, I’ll come back, but first: coffee… 😁). At first, I reconnect a bit to myself on my own, only patient souls with me if at all possible. The radio can play, but often not as »loud« as usually. Maybe earplugs. I always carry some in the pocket.
Ground yourself where you are.
If you are puzzled about which day it is or if you were dreaming or experiencing reality, a clear calendar widget and some objects you remember having left or rearranged yesterday can bring you back, making you feel real in the place you are in.
For me, it was an empty glass which made the same sound, an article of a newspaper I had underlined something in and an USB cable I had left under a piece of self-built furniture.
Keep track of what’s important.
Hide, reduce tasks, but keep showing up where you have to.
Not forgetting scheduled events or to-do items: Take notes.
Do what refills your energy.
Include tasks you feel like they recharge you!
For me, today, that was writing some CSS code without using AI.
Not focused?
You may like to whisper rubberducking summaries when reading something, but not when you’re in a room with others, then you’ll better take notes or just place a pencil end under a word you find important, then move to the next paragraph.
Chances are that, with such a preparation and guideline, you don’t feel like you’ve lost yourself a thousand miles away.
Cooling down emotions
We aren’t always just tired. Often, it’s something else.
Dizzy? Nervous about some upcoming event? Throat tightened from facing some Job’s news? Or overwhelmed inside your gut? Or maybe colder than usual? That’s probably your body speaking by emotions. How about communicating back, but calmly? In a new place or when you have to stay fresh, exercise like running (with contours of a new city moving around you, frazzling you even more) might not be your thing, or you probably don’t have the time.
Try to find out which of the following might help you best.
Good food
Don’t forget this part! Not able to convince yourself but still hungry? Then try adding curry or pepper or anything you like. This is how I survived the hardest times. Cooking (or going to the university’s café even with earplugs in, but with something colourful in a bowl and a chance to talk to someone, too) might even make you feel better if you just felt as if you were too tired to stand in the kitchen. Developers know that everything that writes substack posts or displays them has a timer on it, so don’t say you’d forget to turn off the oven.
Strength pose on solid parts
The other day, I was feeling kind of weird inside, so I did something which helps me in such a case: While I was waiting for water to boil to have some pasta, I put up my arms in the kitchen doorway and just let myself sink and stretch my arms, of course without actually pulling at the wooden frame. We don’t want to break things but fix ourselves a little bit. You may also put your calf on another chair or your knee and just notice these parts of your body.
On a train, in a lecture hall, feeling seen?
After a while, every room knows a little way of doing such a body calming exercise — and to tell you something, when you record a video of yourself of face and shoulders, the camera doesn’t see your thighs and feet… or mostly even a pencil you hold with both hands stays hidden as long as it doesn’t drop or otherwise make noise.
Being somewhere new
When I went to a new place for a few days, after having experienced a full day among different people, places, environment and habits, it got me falling deep into end-of-day fatigue, but on the other hand, I didn’t feel like falling asleep early either.
So instead of spending the evening in crowded places, for example in a restaurant, I bought myself some food which I then could eat right in the hotel while watching a TV show I like, which made me almost feel just like I would when I was at home. (Well, maybe my brain was still up in cloud 4.5 buzzing with some new experiences I just had and not yet processed, but okay. See grounding and focusing.)
Food in bedroom not an option? A sandwich on a park bench can do that, too. Many hotels have quiet places inside, allowing you a calm evening on your own or with your friends or family, too. If not that, use earplugs.
It does not have to be a TV show, it can also be music or a podcast, a book you are reading or the same slow yoga routine you always practiced. There are exercises which work without a mat.
That’s about the reason why I packed my old phone when I was in hospital for a few days. In the evenings, I could listen to the radio and slip away into my own comfort space, to find out how soccer was doing, amazing.
It was a long way up that hill I’m on now. Sometimes I find myself at the bottom to climb up again… well… My poems know much about it:
The hardest nights five years ago
Would have been sofa-only days
Now I’ll go where I need to go
Not that lost in the city maze.
A day-long „I’ll-do-nothing“ break
Becomes „I’ll do some useful stuff,
But first go out, let’s get some cake“
And writing poems off the cuff… 😁
I failed. Crashed. Had to unwind.
Failed again. Debugged and found why.
A way made of steps
A few of regrets
Now when my build fails
I don’t bite my nails
But ask copilot can you help fly that thing?
Nobody is a perfect storyteller or developer or anything from day 1. Life is life, it goes up and down, but we can learn to stay afloat.
One last word today:
Sometimes, all we need is a safe place, where we feel seen, and be reassured to not come back home thirsty. So if you feel the same, then you can leave a coin here:
The old phone in the hospital, giving one familiar little sound-thread at night... I know that tiny survival magic of one ordinary thing making a strange room less sharp, and it made me so fond of your brave, practical little rituals~
Hey Daniela, very sweet and helpful advice. Well written, clear and especially so since I think German might be your first language.