Torn between time passages
Getting tools not ready to implement, yet feeling clueless about what really matters
A university degree, once finished, raises some questions going far beyond those clearly important daily tasks like how to solve that math equation, to submit yet another research paper or to finally get good old LaTeX with its algorithm avoiding misprints put this image on the same page as the explaining text after the zillionth rerun of a self-written batch script with a nerdy ASCII icon on the window title.
Soon it’s time to pack a suitcase and head somewhere else, but not yet… Some aspire towards a university career, but most think about working in R&D divisions at some company, which is quite a different field.
To hand some tools to answer those questions, participating in a three-days’ leadership workshop in a city a few hundred kilometers from home might be helpful.
Of course, it is cool to step out, take a walk somewhere else and get some new impressions anyway!
But a mind, constantly filled, getting impressions from outside, too, using a non-native language and weighing every word, can have a difficult time. Let alone feeling unsure if leadership itself is for you anyway …
When I finally was set free to organize a trip on my own behalf, I would stay at a neat little guesthouse somewhere uphill with a bus and add some time to either sit there reading when it’s raining or stroll around in a town and take some photos.
Different lines of thought on the word career and time itself in the transition between seasons overlapped there.
Watch how various contrasts are mindfully interwoven here … Between some endings and not-yet-new-beginnings, ephemeral moments, static background, it’s about going either far up or down deep, about things or thoughts being lost and found.
Sitting outside, wishing summer to hold
Some chatter and fun, autumn light painting gold
The sun was still warm — soon it was getting cold…
I was not left outside, yet not fully within.
I felt somewhat useless and couldn’t fit in.
Leadership lessons not knowing yet why,
Seemingly useless — without chance to try,
An evening stroll while the river flows by.
Was already late to get in for a beer,
Postponing those pending thoughts of »career«…
Preparing for after a final degree
Upper end narrow, so hard to foresee
Climbing up latters — not my cup of tea
The lower end, how was it going to be?
No lessons on facing uncertainty…
Days so packed, not much time to be free
After dinner: »Sharing your CV«.
Some say »No significant nightlife«, it’s dry literally.
An afternoon bus — people shield my view
So sick and tired, but pulling through.
Strolling alone that large airport — with awe.
So frazzled of eyes looking at me
So tired I could hardly see
That I might be leaving on the upper floor…
A sudden insight light
making the scene seem bright
A million lights guiding safe through the night
a faint memory of a song guiding me
Won’t get lost here today
Knowing I’ll find my way
Find my flight on the screen
That old hexagon soon to be seen
Picked up and welcomed by daily routine.
There’s something quietly resonant in that final image Daniela — the scattered Scrabble board, NO’S circled and set aside that perfectly align with the title on the piece:
“Torn between time passages…”
There’s a sense throughout — both in the poem and the board — of transition, of knowing what doesn’t fit even if what does is still forming.
Like you say: not quite left outside, not quite within.
The placed words — CREATIVE, QUIRK, VIBE — feel like little affirmations trying to land in a space still full of uncertainty. And the NO’S, held aside but clearly seen, speak just as loudly.
I love how this piece allows a chance for clarity and blur to exist side by side. One doesn’t cancel the other out — they coexist, like seasons brushing past each other in passing light.
However, it's the rhyming in the poem that almost sings to me, bouncing along from stanza to verse.
A wonderful piece of writing and poem!
Thanks for sharing.
You really capture that in between feeling so well! Beautiful meditation on belonging!